Wednesday, March 7th - The Problem with Men Nowadays - Part I - How often have I heard it said (for decades now in fact) that increasing numbers of males out there are acquiring the annoying habit of refusing to grow up - much like the "lost boys" of Peter Pan; that many guys have felt the need to delay the onset of adulthood until well into their 40's or 50's when age and infirmity no longer allow them to pass for young, aimless, irresponsible "whipper-snappers." And this trend seems not to be affected by long-term commitments of marriage and family, nor mitigated by the complex web of obligations that arise when these substantial "perks" of maturity (spouses, careers, children, civic duties, personal property, home ownership ) appear on the scene.  And what's somewhat weird about this situation is that in lieu of or should I say in light of (?) vociferous objections to such behavior emanating from other segments of our society (e.g. women, children, grandparents, mature people, aging-men-who-get-the-message)  a goodly portion of these puer aeternei  "specimens" still feel the need to pursue their feckless avocations, to celebrate their "boyish" enthusiasms for the sake of inducing a strange adrenaline rush (?) or preserving a feeling of vitality (?) or expanding the possibilities of purely disposable freedom (!),  by keeping their finger on the pulse of pop culture, by inhabiting the epi-center of the "demi-monde," by remaining a target audience for the latest/greatest ad campaigns. The man-child, or man-children, as it were, thereby reach for signs of identity in the form of ready-made nostalgia: games, movies, sports, hobbies, gadgets, blogs (!), websites, cars, trucks, snowmobiles, ATV's, hats, guns, guns with holsters, fantasy paraphernalia, action hero dolls or invidious science fiction. And so we witness the pathetic phenomenon of grown men indulging in ever-more regressive diversions, becoming addicted to perishable commodities - objects or pursuits that place them in time as members of  the "such-and-such generation." But why is this happening - you say? When did it start? How is it perpetuated? What can we do to stop it? Where have all the good men gone? Where are the role models?  Where are the clinicians and on-call sociologists? There simply must be an explanation for this needless waste of human potential! Are the hippies to blame? Was the 1960s? Or the 1980s? Or that throwaway celebrity crash-and-burn Hollywood publicity machine? Or 40+ years of extended drug use? Or being on the wrong medication? Or High Fructose Corn Syrup? Or the cleaning fluids they use in hotels? Do you think the CIA is involved? Of course, those of you who aren't totally paranoid or traumatized or both - let us not even speak of this most recent topsy-turvy decade of wars and head-wounds and down-turns (that alone might prove too hard to acknowledge) - you survivors may already have some inkling of a diagnosis - yet the numbers of AWOL and MIA keep on growing. We talk and complain and we tell Dr. Phil, but still nothing changes. Bartleby remains in the basement, at his post, frittering his time away, reading his comic books, diddling with his video controls, wearing his ridiculous Star Trek outfit; yet when you scream "Bartleby" - I need a little help out here! - you are supposed do this - now - for me! - you need to get with the program! - Become more involved! - Be more engaged! - Fulfill your responsibilities as a MAN! - to which Bartleby only replies, calmly, non-combatively, sotto voce: "I prefer not to..." - a form of inane protest that makes you SCREAM: "You fool, you cretin, you slug, you clown, you ape, you milque-toast; you dolt - you barren, asinine, effete, squirmy, attenuated, diminutive, toadish disappointment of an after-thought of a prototype of a reject! Get up off that couch now and prove thyself worthy to be with me, to be associated with me, to be in my very presence! Do penance now for thy manifold of sins or else I swear to you I shall #$%@#$%!!!" Okay. Alright. Enough said. If you'll forgive me folks, fellow bloggers and blog-readers, for I seem to be having a bout of "bad faith" about all of these "man problems," and deferring to the higher wisdom of Herman Melville (see his short story "Bartleby the Scrivener"), I must nevertheless attempt to step beyond all the hand-wringing - with which I have aligned myself somewhat hypocritically; it is time, at long last, to identify the source of the malaise as a first clue to finding a solution.  And, as chance would have it, I do actually have some thoughts about why all this is happening (see next blog post), which may at first glance appear grandiose and somewhat spacey and cosmic. But please, hear me out. I only want to START the conversation. For my fear is that we are creating, have created, are living within a society of  "drones" and "also-rans," of "self-appointed losers" and "know-nothings" and "do-nothings," of "want-nots" and "care-nots" - of "walking wounded" masquerading as "enervated rich kids" of "morose depressives" posing as "cheerful nimrods";  yet, in the process, we are losing that sense of real "gravitas" which is the sine qua non of true enjoyment. But as we like to say here in America, situation hopeless, but not desperate.

Postscript: But what of women and their role in all of this - you ask? What are they busy DOING while all of this is happening? Exactly. Exactly. A tough question for an obtuse male to answer. But stay tuned...or feel free to comment. Even better...